Bothering Snape
by Billycan
Summary: PRE HBP Ginny and two of her friends make a list of 40 ways to bother Professor Snape, and Ginny is elected to carry them out. Inspired by the 'Bothering Snape' cartoons.
1. The List

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

The List 

1. Insist upon bringing your pet sock to class, name it Snivellus, and croon lullabies to it while he is speaking.  
2. Tell him he's disturbing Snivellus's nap.  
3. Beat box every time you have to answer a question.  
4. If he says something particularly dramatic, ask him, 'Yes, but does your mouth feel clean'  
5. Answer a question by stating your name. For instance, 'What would you get if you mixed nightshade with wolfbane?' 'Julie.' If you continue to do this, he might get flustered and ask you something random. Such as, 'What is the capital of Colorado?' 'Julie'  
6. If he ignores you, get hysterical and tell him that baby Charlene is his and you won't stand for him to deny her, then run out of the room.  
7. Wear sunglasses and use a lot of big words like 'anomaly' and 'paradox'. Say ergo a lot. Insist upon bringing your own comfy leather swirly chair to sit in and announce that heretofore you wish to be referred to as the Architect. Tell Snape he's interfering with the System.  
8. During meal times, continuously go up to him and ask, 'Are you going to finish that?' If he says yes, take it anyway. If he says no, nod wisely and walk away. If he ignores you, ask again. If he still ignores you, repeat the process.  
9. Say 'doom' every time he walks by.  
10. Ask him if he would tutor you.  
11. Spread rumors about a steamy vacation in the Alps involving Snape and a certain Dark Lord . . .  
12. Laugh every time he lectures someone. Then laugh harder if he lectures you.  
13. Every time he turns around, start giggling. If he turns to see who it is, stop immediately and resume what you were doing so that he can't tell who it was. Repeat for as long as possible.  
14. Speak using sign language or a small white board with a squeaky Expo marker.  
15. At a Quidditch match sit behind him and say derogatory things about Slytherin. If he turns around to lecture you, pretend to be sleeping.  
16. Conveniently forget to put the right ingredients in your potion, so that it makes his room smell like rotten eggs for weeks. Say it was his fault and that they have medicine for that type of thing.  
17. Bring a Mariachi band to class. Say it helps you concentrate.  
18. Leave presents at his place at dinner. Leave a note saying it's from his secret admirer.  
19. Fall asleep in class.  
20. If you see him in the hall, shriek and say to stop stalking you, you're jailbait!  
21. Confess your undying love for him.  
22. Wink knowingly at him if someone screws up in class.  
23. Ask him if Draco is good in bed.  
24. Talk like an old Hollywood actress. Say 'Ciao' and 'darling' a lot.  
25. Paint your nails in class.  
26. Tell him he's such a doll in black.  
27. If you see him outside, run up to him and start ushering him back in, saying that the neighbors will complain about unseemly lawn upkeep.  
28. Stand up on the table during breakfast and dedicate this song to him: 'Talk to me/Tell me your name/But you blow me off like it's all the same/Yeah baby . . .!' Sing it with a bad William Hung imitation going on.  
29. Dress like Dr. Who. Tell him he inspired you to do it.  
30. If he states a fact in class, say dramatically, 'Why does this happen? Nobody knows . . "  
31. Make subtle changes in your appearance, in the dungeon layout, and at the dinner table. This kind of thing drives people crazy.  
32. Declare a casual Friday celebration. Conveniently make sure that Potions is the only period in which it takes place.  
33. Ruin it.  
34. Take a mutilated doll and hang it from its neck in his room. Be all Goth like Ginger and Brigitte from Ginger Snaps. If he gets angry, recite Goth poetry. If he gets even angrier, tell him he did it first and you were just riding the wave.  
35. Get offended at everything he says.  
36. Smile. Just smile and don't stop. Don't say anything, either.  
37. Tape a spoon to your nose when you go into Potions. If possible, super-glue it to his.  
38. Ask him what would Freud say?  
39. Fix the tap in his room so that it always drips.  
40. Place a stick of deodorant on his desk. Make sure to wrap it with a pretty bow! 


	2. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

Prologue: The List

Potions was the epitome of boring, Ginny thought, as yet another wasted hour ended and her fifth year class filed out of the dungeon. Snape had assigned them two parchment rolls worth of writing on the properties of dragon heartstring in potions, so that meant wasting another hour later that night completing the assignment.

As she went to start up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower, a tall girl with curly black hair caught up with her. Mandy Bracklehurst was a good friend to have, if a little dim. It was hard to know what she was going on about more than half the time, but then again, it was hard to know what chimps go on about, too.

"Can you believe that git?" she asked in a rage. Normally Mandy didn't get angry, but Snape usually had that effect on her. She often explained it in complex scientific terms, coming from a Muggle family, while everyone around her just smiled and nodded.

Ginny shook her head, adding in to the mudslinging. "I bet he assigns us this rubbish just to make us miserable."

"Wish someone would make him miserable instead," Mandy muttered darkly.

They gave the Fat Lady the password (Doughboy), and climbed through the portrait hole into the common room.

The common room was relatively empty except for a few people lolling about in the armchairs, but Ginny didn't think to much of it as most of the inhabitants seemed to be sleeping and/or drunk. They made their way through piles of books and junk on the floor, including, much to Mandy's apparent amusement, a pair of boxers with toasters on them. Spying one of their friends at the front of the room, they sat down in adjacent chairs.

"Hallo, Rose," Ginny said. Rose grunted in reply.

Ginny got out her potions assignment and got to work on it, if staring in frustration at an illustration of a dragon can be considered work, while Mandy stared into the fire and Rose did absolutely nothing, though Ginny did look over once or twice and she appeared to be squeezing a stress ball. When the stress ball turned out to be the Snitch, Ginny decided she could not, for the life of her, concentrate on 'stupid dragon-stupid-heartstrings,' and put her books away. She poked Mandy.

"You know, I was thinking, Gin," Mandy said. "Remember what we said about making Snape miserable?"

Ginny nodded, thinking already that this was going to be a good idea, and leaned forward in her chair.

"We should."

Sensing that this was the end of Mandy's metaphorical imaginative rope, Ginny jumped in. "How? You mean, phone him up and ask what color panties he's got on?"

"No . . . we can do better than that. Here, give us a roll of parchment."

Ginny fished a roll out of her bag and handed it to Mandy, who spread it out on the table in front of them. She dipped a quill in ink and wrote, in big, loopy handwriting, 'Ways to Piss Off Professor Snape.'

This caught even Rose's attention, and they all gathered around the steadily growing list. 


	3. Days 1 to 4

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

A/N: I wasn't sure what type of accent that Orbits gum woman has, so I left it out. Does anyone know?

* * *

Chapter One: Days 1 - 4 

DAY ONE 1. Insist upon bringing your pet sock to class, name it Snivellus, and croon lullabies to it while he is speaking.  
2. Tell him he's disturbing Snivellus's nap.

The next day in Potions, Ginny entered the room with her head held high and one of Harry's socks clutched in her right hand. Mandy and Rose had asked why she didn't take one of her own and why it was alright for her to sneak into the sixth year boy's dormitory room in the dead of night just to steal a sock. "Harry won't mind," she'd told them, but the truth was, Harry wouldn't even know. Besides, it was more fun to take someone else's. It added pizzazz.

Ginny had been elected to perform each of the forty tasks they'd come up with the night before. Their reasoning was that A) She was a Weasley, and B) Therefore related to Fred and George Weasley, so C) If anyone could do it, she could. Ginny had no qualms with being the joker, most of the items were just silly and Snape couldn't punish her for that, but she was a little worried about where they were going to find a leather swirly chair.

As soon as the Gryffindors and Slytherins were seated for class to begin, Snape came swooping out of his office wearing a foul look on his face and an even fouler smell. Mandy, next to Ginny at the table, giggled in anticipation, and Rose, a few tables ahead of them, turned and flashed a thumbs-up sign when Snape's back was turned.

Snape began, in his usual dismal monotone, "Today, class, we will be studying the difference between - yes, Miss Weasley?" Ginny's hand had shot straight up in the air almost as soon as he had started speaking.

"Yes, Professor Snape, I was wondering if you wanted to meet my pet sock?"

Ginny held out the sock with an expression akin to genuine, clueless ecstacy. Snape looked down on the sock in disgust. It had Quidditch balls and broomsticks on it.

"No, thank you, Miss Weasley," he said dryly, though it was obvious he wanted to say more but couldn't.

"Aww, Poffessor Snapey doesn't wanna meet wittle Snivellus. Poor Snivellus is sad now!" Ginny gushed. She saw Snape stiffen a bit, but then he moved forward to the front of the class, past Rose, who looked as though she was going to explode.

"The difference between the heartstring and the heart's breath of a dragon. Turn in your assignments now, and we can begin the lesson."

As everyone around her proceeded to take out the homework, Ginny made goo-goo eyes over the sock and started stroking it. For a moment she imagined what Harry would think if he saw her molesting his sock, but then someone tried to pass her their paper from behind. She slapped their hand in a mild scolding manner.

"Miss Weasley, put the sock away," Snape said, pronouncing every word with cold deliberation. Ginny sighed, trying to sound motherly.

"Honestly, Severus, this is no place to be raising a child. You can't expect me to be able to juggle everything!"

"That isn't a child, it is a sock!" He snapped, losing his temper for a moment. Aware of all eyes on him, he composed himself. "In case you were interested in the real 'miracle of life,' I suppose I could put in a word in with Madame Pomfrey for you . . . ?"

In any other situation this would have made Ginny hysterical with laughter. But for the sake of annoying Snape, she went on in her own little fantasy world with the sock, ignoring the guffaws and giggles of the students around her.

"Go to sleep, little baby . . . go to sleep you little baby . . . you and me and the devil makes three, don't need no other lovin baby . . ." she sang in a horrible croak.

Snape tried to continue teaching the class in the face of Ginny's horrific lullabies, but about halfway through (after a resounding chorus of Stephen Lynch's 'Lullaby') Ginny interupted him with, 'Really Severus! Try not to be so gloomy, you're disturbing Snivellus's nap!' At which time he came forward to Ginny's table and ripped the sock out of her hand.

"Now that we have no more distractions, turn to page 183. And Miss Weasley, I expect to see no more of your sock children in the near future. And you most certainly will not be bringing them to detention tonight at nine o' clock."

* * *

DAY TWO 3. Beat box every time you have to answer a question.

The next day Ginny was starting to get slightly worried about completing the other thirty-eight items they had come up with on the list. Detention the night before had been extremely tense, and Ginny found it hard to get anything done with Snape seated at the desk directly in front of her, staring unblinkingly at the Red Caps she was pickling. It made not messing up especially difficult.

All too soon, she was walking into Potions class again, flanked by Rose and Mandy and even a few other students that were applauding her for the performance the day before, wanting to know if she was going to do anything else. She took her place at the table near to the back, not helping but noticing that Snape ignored her as he came into the room.

The first twenty minutes of class was relatively quiet. Snape drilled them on the difference between dragon heartstring and heart's breath of a dragon, and it was obvious from the way the class became increasingly shifty that they were beginning to doubt if Ginny was going to do anything today.

It was then that Snape made his fatal mistake.

"So I see, Miss Weasley, you have refrained from bringing any socks today to class?"

Ginny thought for a minute, then started beating the table in front of her for rhythm and swaying from side to side.

"Absolutely right, son/I ain't got none/no socks to bring in to class/you took my last/one, it's funny/joke's on you/what the hell were you trying to do?"

Snape stared at her with an unreadable expression. In a last ditch attempt, Ginny added, "Yo."

* * *

DAY THREE 4. Every time he says something particularly dramatic, ask him, 'Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?'

Word travels fast in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so eventually it common knowledge that Ginny had been barraging Snape's classroom with childish antics for no apparent reason. Ginny was getting tired of it already, and the novelty of being stopped and admired in the hallways was wearing off even after only two days. Ginny didn't know how she'd survive another month of this, but she kept her chin up and socks in hand as she went into the classroom on the third day.

Snape came into the room with a little less grandeur than usual, and he eyed Ginny suspiciously as he passed, almost as in warning. Ginny steeled herself to meet his gaze, imagining him in his underwear to lessen the fright he instilled. After all, she reasoned, seeing him flustered will be a sweet, sweet pay-off.

"Today, class," he began, as always in a voice so boring it made you want to slit your wrists, "we will apply the practical method of what we studied yesterday." He moved up to the front of the room and tapped the board with his wand. The instructions for the lesson appeared on it, flowing smoothly out from the center.

As the students strained their eyes to see the miniscule writing and began to prepare for bottling the heart's breath of a dragon, Snape stood, impeccable and foreboding, at the front of the room, staring out at his class with something less than hatred but slightly to the left of disdain.

"And though I know," he began, and the activity ceased, "that there are some among you who are competent, I also fear for the rest of you in the long run, for I doubt that any of you have the intellectual ability to pass my class if such - " he sneered and paused, adding weight to the next word, "childish antics continue."

Nobody seemed eager to get started after his minispeech, as it seemed to them that he almost wanted them to mess up just so that he could be proven right, when a voice at the back of the room spoke up in a crisp accent:

"Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

The smug smile disappeared from Snape's face, but he didn't allow the tension in the room to cease for a moment as he stood, square shouldered, and began to pace around the room to see how badly the class was messing up the potion. Ginny hurriedly started to work on hers, keeping Snape in sight to see if she could tell if he would do anything about her disruption.

After a short time in which there was nothing but silence in the room, Snape chanced another remark.

"You seem to be doing better than I expected. Although it is still below the satisfactory level of workmanship . . . " he left off, allowing the statement to sink in.

"Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

Smarting from the insolent quip that had ruined his ominous atmosphere, Snape went again to the front of the class and sat at the desk, where he spent the rest of the period in utter silence. Ginny looked up occasionally and saw a muscle working in his jaw.

Not until the hour was almost up did Snape speak again. He stood and walked to the board, tapping it with his wand. The writing disappeared immediately. Turning to face the students, he said grimly, "Put your things away now." He waited, but no one said anything and the only noise was the students following instructions. "As you leave, put your vials of heart's breath on the table at the front of the room."

Feeling slightly more confident, he watched as the students filed past, leaving the vials in disarray on the table. Unbeknownst to him, a certain Weasley was also feeling bolder.

"I expect one roll of parchment worth of a summary on what you did in class today," he said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the noise.

The last thing he heard before the door to the dungeon shut was a falsetto voice asking, "Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

* * *

DAY FOUR 5. Answer a question by stating your name. For instance, 'What would you get if you mixed nightshade with wolfbane?' 'Julie.' If you continue to do this, he might get flustered and ask you something random. Such as, 'What is the capital of Colorado?' 'Julie.'

By the time Ginny took her place at her table in Potions the next day with Mandy, she was feeling much better about completing the entire list. There were, of course, thirty-six items left to complete and Snape was already at his rope's end with her, but on the whole she felt particularly Weasleyish.

When Snape came in, Ginny kept her face completely innocent. When Snape glared at her on the way past, she started humming Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' to complete the effect. Unfortunately, as she soon figured out, Snape had probably never heard of Madonna so the significance would be completely lost on him. Stupid git, Ginny thought, once she realized.

"Before I start the day's lesson," Snape started, and glared at them all as though to dare any one of them to say a word, "I would like to clarify that Virginia Weasley has left her socks in her dormitory, has given up her vendetta for rap culture, and her mouth indeed feels clean."

Ginny ignored the giggles and jeers of the class. She did, herself, think that it was very funny coming from Snape, but she couldn't let him know that. Holding her head high and her shoulders back, she looked Snape levelly in the eye and said, "Ginny."

Snape, seemingly, had no reaction to this, as his face remained nondescript and he swept over to the desk at the front of the room. "Collect your vials of dragon's heart's breath," he said, in the same bland manner.

Ginny stayed at the table, Mandy going up instead to collect the heart's breath. She was a little worried about Snape reacting so calmly to this tactic, so she decided quickly to broaden the limitations of item number 5 on the list of 40 Ways to Piss Off Professor Snape.

"Has everyone got their vials?" Snape asked.

While everyone else nodded and muttered 'Yes' in response, Ginny said, in a loud and clear voice, 'Ginny!'

She was rewarded slightly when she saw Snape twitch almost imperceptibly.

Again, Snape avoided speaking for the rest of the class, and obviously was not going to be answering any more questions. Again, Ginny broadened the limitations.

"Now that you all have extracted the essence of the heart's breath, study it and note how it behaves."

"Ginny."

"The essence of the heart's breath of a dragon is almost like a creature itself."

"Ginny."

"However cute - " Snape drew out that word deliberately to stifle any reaction from a soft-hearted student, " - it may seem, remember that it is the life and soul of a dragon and therefore quite deadly."

"Ginny!"

Snape, now, did not seem very composed at all and came to stand by Ginny's table.

"Are you quite certain, Miss Weasley, that we all know your name now?"

"Ginny!"

Snape didn't reply but instead turned his attention to Mandy and Ginny's vial, where a small, dragon-like thing was curled up, blowing gray ash from it's nostrils. It was faintly red and seemed to be made entirely out of smoke. Snape reached out and with one gnarled finger and tapped the vial. The dragon woke up and flexed it's wings angrily, then yawned and sat deliberately turned away from them.

Snape grinned the grin of a man who knows that he has complete control, at least for the moment. "My, it doesn't seem to like you at all does it?"

Ginny refrained from saying anything, but thought for a moment, then smiled like a chubby pink cherub. "Let's name it Ginny!"


	4. The First Weekend

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

* * *

Chapter Two: The First Weekend

On Saturday, Ginny woke up and realized that she didn't need to make a fool of herself in Potions for another two days. Feeling full of good cheer in the way that Richard Simmons must feel every time the camera is turned off, she stretched and resolved to stay in bed for most of the day and take full advantage of having nothing to do.

It didn't last long. Almost as soon as she closed her eyes again, the door to the dormitory crashed open and there was the sound of two pairs of feet running very fast in Ginny's general direction. Groaning and lamenting the loss of some peace and quiet, Ginny rolled over and pulled the blankets up over her head.

Sunlight spilled into Ginny's eyes as the curtains to her bed were ripped open and the blankets pulled down. She looked up to see the flushed, disheveled face of Mandy looming over her. "Everyone is talking about you - it's brilliant!" Mandy made to drag Ginny out of bed but she held onto the bedpost.

"Can you please - PLEASE - let me get dressed first and retain at least a bit of my dignity before you do anything else? Thank you."

After she'd gotten dressed, Mandy wasted no time in grabbing her by the arm and yanking her towards the stairs, explaining, 'You have to keep up appearances, Gin!'

When they reached the bottom of the staircase, the first people Ginny saw were Colin and Dennis Creevey, who, in attitude, were more than reverant but something less than subservient. Many of the first years, having never known Fred and George, all treated her like something of a celebrity. Forgetting her earlier discomfort about the whole thing, Ginny instead chose to bask in all the attention.

It more or less died down throughout the rest of the day, though some snatches of a lyrical praise to Ginny were still shouted out occasionally, until dinner. Throughout the meal students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff went over to the Gryffindor table in an almost constant stream until the teachers had to call for order.

Ginny strode out of the Great Hall early with Mandy and Rose on her heals after dinner, noticing many head turning to watch her leave. She held her head high and her back straight as she passed the Slytherin table, though she noticed that jeers and taunts were strangely absent. She and her friends were alone for the long trek upwards to the Gryffindor Tower, and as soon as they were out of site of the other students, the three of them simultaneously lapsed into giggles and began running up the many flightd of stairs.

They had a few minutes of precious solitude by the fire in the common room, during which they considered adding more items to The List. Ginny didn't want to tell them, but the thought of doing more than the thirty-five that was left seemed genuinely daunting. She was spared, however, telling them this by the arrival of two more people.

Harry and Ron walked towards them, Ron with a look on his face that said quite clearly that he didn't want his baby sister to follow in the footsteps of their brothers, and Harry with something resembling deep respect, until he broke out into a huge grin as he and Ron neared them.

"So Ginny," Harry asked, still grinning, "what's this I hear about your attachment to my socks?"

Ginny felt her face turn beet red.


	5. Days 5 to 9

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. The bits where Ginny acts like the Architect all come from the Matrix Reloaded, of which I don't own anything. The quotes from the Architect I got from Also, 'Bothering Snape' comes from the Potter Puppet Pals flash cartoons, which you can find on Newgrounds. I don't own any of that, either.

**Note - **I deleted this chapter and reposted it because of the whole "Ginevra v. Virginia" thing. I wrote this chapter before J.K Rowling officially said that her name was Ginevra and I guess I kept forgetting to fix it.

* * *

Chapter Two: Days 5 - 9 

DAY FIVE 6. If he ignores you, get hysterical and tell him that baby Charlene is his and you won't stand for him to deny her, then run out of the room.

The weekend, and the subsequent lack of classes and any childishness from Virginia Weasley seemed to have rejuvenated Snape, for as class started on the following Monday he advanced into the dungeon with all of his old regality and menace. Ginny told herself not to let it get to her - she still had the image of him in his underwear in her head. Though she didn't know how he would deal with her on this item.

It began normally. Snape lectured them on insubordinate heart's breaths, told them he had disposed of all of them, and commanded them to turn to page 190 and begin to read about potions for health purposes saying that even they couldn't mess up something so simple.

After a few minutes of reading, Ginny's hand shot straight up into the air. As she expected him to, Snape ignored her. She kept her hand up even after ten more minutes had gone by with no reaction from Snape. For good measure, she started bouncing up and down in her chair and leaning over the desk with her head down and her hand practically hitting Matthew Burgess in the head.

Snape stood up when the class was half over. Ginny banged her other hand on her table three times and started moaning.

"Close your books and - " Snape began, but was cut off by Ginny screaming, "You lied to me, Severus! You told me you would always be there! And you KNOW baby Charlene's yours! I won't stand for this! I won't stand for you denying little Charlene! You should see her, she looks just like you, right down to the beak for a nose . . . I won't stand for it!"

With a last fake choking sob, Ginny got up and ran out of the room to a resounding applause from the rest of the class.

* * *

DAY SIX 7. Wear sunglasses and use a lot of big words like 'anomaly' and 'paradox'. Say ergo a lot. Insist upon bringing your own comfy leather swirly chair to sit in and announce that heretofore you wish to be referred to as the Architect. Tell Snape he's interfering with the System. 

Much to Ginny's surprise, it hadn't been that hard to obtain a leather swirly chair. She and Mandy and Rose had approached Hermione the day before after dinner and asked if she could magic one up for them, when she got a bit snappish.

"Isn't it obvious?" she'd said, as though it really were the most obvious thing in the world. The three of them shook their heads in sync with each other. "Just ask the Room of Requirement for one."

So they'd left the common room quite quickly and did as Hermione had said. And lo, when they opened the door to the Room they had been almost stunned into disbelief. Instead of just one chair, they were lined up wall to wall to fill the entirety of the Room. Mandy received quite a shock when she went to grab one and it told her, quite politely, to mind the leather.

Eventually they did find one that didn't talk, but Ginny's mood had soured the next morning when she dragged it down four flights of stairs only to remember that she could use magic to float it down to the dungeons, and with that thought she came up with another idea.

Snape himself wasn't expecting to see Ginevra Weasley float into his classroom, sitting on a rather comfy-looking leather chair wearing supportless sunglasses and a expression that told everyone very clearly, 'BOW TO ME. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.' Caught, for a moment, off-guard, he shot her a glare that said, also very clearly, 'I LOVE CANDY.'

Ginny was floated over to her table and let down, a bit too roughly for her taste, behind it. Mandy stood next to her, arms crossed like a bodyguard.

"Miss Weasley, would you mind telling the class exactly why you have elevated yourself so far above them?" Snape asked malevolently.

"You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not," Ginny answered, in a snotty monotone. "You should also know that, heretofore, I wish to be referred to as the Architect."

Snape chose to ignore this. He began to give out instructions for the class, but Ginny spoke over him.

"Quite right, Severus. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations."

"Virginia Weasley, do shut up. You should all have read the - "

"Systemic anamoly!" Ginny shouted.

" - pages I assigned yesterday."

"Apropos, you assign us work to facilitate the paradox of issuing control to one being, and not another. The quintessential delusion of having choice was fundamentally perfect, however, as people are flawed - especially you, Severus - it was rejected."

Again, Snape tried speaking. He had barely opened his mouth when Ginny cut in with, "Ergo!"

Much to his chagrin, Snape found that every time he tried to speak a certain Weasley would interrupt him with a shrill screach of 'Ergo!' After several attempts at being heard over her harping and being foiled once again, ('Integral anamoly!') he, quite literally, lost his rag.

"Miss Weasley, if you are quite thoroughly amused by now then I would appreciate it if you would allow me to finish!" he all but screamed at her.

Ginny remained calm and aloof for a few moments, before saying in the same snotty voice, "Concordantly, it has come to my attention that you are interfering with the system. Good-bye."

* * *

DAY SEVEN 8. During meal times, continuously go up to him and ask, 'Are you going to finish that?' If he says yes, take it anyway. If he says no, nod wisely and walk away. If he ignores you, ask again. If he still ignores you, repeat the process. 

Ginny figured that the eight item on the list would most likely be the least effective, as the Potions class earlier that day had gone by without anything to remark about, unless you counted the fact that Snape treated the Gryffindors worse than he normally did. This was the first item to be completed outside the classroom, she reflected, though she couldn't decide whether that would make it more or less difficult.

Mandy and Rose were on either side of her, and she noticed that their end of the table seemed to be more full than usual, but she ignored this as she got out the list and reviewed what she was supposed to do.

Just as she was about to get up to bother Snape, she found herself face-to-face with Hermione.

"Ginny, everybody is talking about you. What do you think you're doing?" she asked, and it was obvious from her expression that she was more than a little annoyed.

"Bothering Snape!" Ginny answered.

Hermione sighed. "Ron is about to lose it, you know. And personally I don't think you should be doing this either. It's only a matter of time before your mother finds out, and you could get into loads of trouble even before that happens!"

For a moment Ginny paused. She hadn't considered how her mother would react, but on consideration she thought she could pretty much weasle her way out of punishment when it came to that.

"Could you excuse me for a moment Hermione?" Ginny said, more of a statement than a question, and she fluttered off with an insane grin on her face.

She bounced up to the staff table and then turned towards Snape. She stopped in front of him and looked up at him, trying her very best to look like a Girl Scout selling cookies. Snape glared down at her, and Ginny was very alarmed to see that his breakfast seemed to be moving.

Ignoring how illogical her act would seem, Ginny pointed at something particularly revolting and asked, "Are you going to eat that?"

Snape waited a moment before answering. Then he said, "Yes."

"Okay," Ginny answered, then reached up and took the plate away in one motion so that he couldn't stop her. Snape was left staring after her guilessly as she walked away with his breakfast.

When she got back to the Gryffindor Table, many students gathered round to look at her findings.

"Oh, that's disgusting!"

"Is it moving?"

"Oh my God! It blew a kiss at me!"

After a few more choruses of, "I bet it makes him constipated, and that's why he's so evil" Ginny cloaked the food with a simple spell, announcing that she would send it to Gred and Forge so that they could do experiements on it, then made her way with a very pronounced stride back up to the staff table.

Snape was already glaring at her before she reached the table. In fact, he seemed to be dreading her arrival. She stopped in front of him as before, and looked up with glowing admiration.

"Are you going to finish that?" she asked, pointing, her finger almost in his food.

He slowly looked from the food then back up to meet her eyes.

"No."

Ginny nodded wisely and walked away.

And she was very pleased to see that the next morning, Snape was conspicuously absent from the staff table.

* * *

DAY EIGHT 9. Say 'doom' every time he walks by. 

It was Mandy's idea to leave Potions free of bothering Snape the next day, and instead seek him out in the corridors and such. "Besides," she reasoned, "it will be anonymous and then it'll piss him off more."

They saw him first in the hallway near the History of Magic classroom. Mandy nearly wet herself with excitement when she first sighted him, then grabbed Ginny's arm and began pulling her towards the greasy slimeball. For the next few minutes, Ginny was dragged up and down the hallway in pursuit of making Snape as angry as possible.

"Doom . . . "

"Doom!"

"Doooooooooooooooooooooom!"

"Doomy doom doom . . . "

"**If you insufferable beasts are not in your classes at once, I will hex you into oblivion! I will hex so horrifically your abominations of parents will feel it!**"

As they fled the hallway, caught up in the swarm of students trying to escape Snape's wrath, Ginny noted with annoyance that Mandy was running much faster than she was.


	6. The Second Weekend

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

AN - The weekends are pretty short and not very funny; they pretty much serve only to move the story along. Just in case any one was wondering.

* * *

Chapter Two: The Second Weekend 

Saturday passed without much to remark about. Ginny was developing herself quite a reputation throughout the school, and there had been a few copy-cat incidents that had, unfortunately, had a stop put to them soon after being initiated. Ginny, in all honesty, would have liked for other students to take some of the stress off of her, as she was soon realizing that being the school jokester was harder than it looked. She was in the courtyard, busy deciding whether the fame was worth the bother, when a group of first years walked over timidly and asked for her autograph.

The fame was very worth it, she decided, smiling.


	7. Days 10 to 14

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. I also don't own Pikachu or any other Pokemon. I don't own Expo either. 

A/N: I kind of foreshadow it in the last few days of this chapter, but in future installments there will probably be some Harry/Ginny moments. I'm a hopeless shipper, what can I say ; )Also, I didn't mean any offense by accusing the Slytherin Quidditch team of being gay. I have nothing against gay people.

* * *

Chapter Five: Days 10 - 14 

**DAY TEN**  
11. Spread rumors about a steamy vacation in the Alps involving Snape and a certain Dark Lord . . .

"No, I know. No, really, I know. Well, you don't have to get overly dramatic about it!"

Ginny was in the middle of working on her first victim, and it wasn't going well. I hate Mondays, she thought to herself. Everyone is so cranky and stupid.

Henriette, the Ravenclaw she'd cornered after History of Magic, was puffing on an inhaler and wheezing in between asking questions like, "When was this!" and "Are they still together?" Ginny left in an enigmatic shroud of "I don't bloody know, you fool," and went to find another victim.

Where are Fred and George when you need them? Ginny thought after disclosing her 'secret' about the Dark Lord and the Potions proffessor to a group of overly excited Gryffindor girls, then considered writing them a letter for help, when she saw Harry and Ron walking down the stairs towards the Main Hall. On a whim, she started running towards them, shouting, "Snape's having an affair with You-Know-Who! Pass it on!" when not only did that particular staircase detach from the nearest landing, but one of the portraits informed her that what she was doing was slander, thank you very much, and could she please find something else to do with her time.

* * *

**DAY ELEVEN**  
12. Laugh every time he lectures someone. Then laugh harder if he lectures you. 

Ginny was still smarting from the telling off she'd received from the portrait the day before when, flanked by Mandy and Rose, she entered the dungeon to see a large, framed painting of the Dark Lord hanging from the wall above Snape's desk. If that were not disturbing enough, it had been done in bright, neon colors and featured You-Know-Who in a rather subjective pose. As the students filed in, the painting winked at a few and blew kisses.

Snape was sitting at his desk, but none of them had noticed, being too busy looking at the portrait on the wall. The proffessor looked at all of them distastefully before speaking.

"I'm sure you all have heard of a vacation I reportedly took a few years ago . . . " he began. Ginny quickly wrote a note to Mandy.

'Does it count if he's lecturing the whole class?' she asked.

Mandy wrote back, 'Er . . . yes. Probably.'

Ginny looked at her friend and nodded solemnly, then turned back to the front of the room and started laughing like a hyena watching pro wrestling.

"Liederhosen!" she managed in between guffaws. "You crack me UP, Severus!" Ginny continued laughing and even started kicking the chair in front of her. Then, as suddenly as she started laughing, she stopped, with her head down on the desk.

Snape's expression hadn't changed one bit as he waited for his student to stop the hysterics. After the room was silent again, except for a few giggles here and there, he stood and made the picture of the Dark Lord (Now preening itself in a mirror, tube of lipstick in hand) disappear with a wave of his wand. Only then did he start the lesson.

After ten minutes went by without incident, Ginny began to worry that maybe Snape had caught on to the day's task. He hadn't lectured anybody, even as a foul green slime began to ooze from the cauldron of the students seated in front of her.

Mandy poked her and passed a note. 'This isn't turning out right. From now on, laugh if he says anything at all; if you wait for him to lecture someone then it won't be enough.' Ginny agreed, considering purposely messing up their potion in hopes of inciting a lecture.

A student raised his hand. Ginny was immediately alert, watching him.

"Professor? May I go to the bathroom?"

Snape looked at the student as though there were nothing more he would like to do than to smite him like a kid smites a beetle. He had no sooner opened his mouth to speak when Ginny started roaring with laughter and banging on the table with her fists. She made sure to point at Snape a few times, just for good effect.

After she'd stopped, declaring, "Blimey, I feel like a donut being raped by a Pikachu," Snape said to the student, "You may not go to the bathroom, but you may indeed escort Miss Weasley to the hospital wing, so that Madam Pomfrey can perhaps see what is the matter with her."

Ginny was too busy laughing to even be indignant.

* * *

**DAY TWELVE**  
13. Every time he turns around, start giggling. If he turns to see who it is, stop immediately and resume what you were doing so that he can't tell who it was. Repeat for as long as possible. 

After spending almost an hour in the hospital wing the day before, trying to persuade Madam Pomfrey that there was nothing wrong with her, Ginny was in the perfect mood to make Snape's life a living hell. Adding fuel to that fire had been when Ron cornered her in the Common Room afterwards, trying to convince her to stop before Mrs. Weasely got wind of it and sent a howler. Ginny hadn't considered that before, but Harry had winked at her from behind Ron's back as her brother tried to think of reasons why she stop. She'd decided right then that aside from anything else, making Ron squirm was reason enough in itself to continue.

The day started off pretty much the same way the last one had, except that there was no provocative picture of You-Know-Who hanging above the desk. Snape didn't say anything, merely tapped the board, and sat down as the students got to work.

His mistake had been turning around to get the instructions on the board, inciting a giggle from somewhere near the back of the room. He ignored it, however.

After about half the period was over, Snape got up and began walking among the rows of desks, making students nervous and pointing out the flaws in their work. He passed Ginny's table on one side, and there was a giggle. He came around to the other side, walking back to the front of the room, and there was a giggle, for longer this time. He looked back to see where it had come from, and it stopped, but as soon as he turned around again, the giggling started again. And lo, for the rest of the class period, every time his back was turned to the students one of them giggled.

When there was only five minutes left in the period, Snape turned around after another bout of giggling and announced, "Unless you wish me to sever the vocal cords of each and every one of you, I suggest whoever is making that vile noise, please stop." Satisfied, he sat down again, and waited while the class put there things away.

Ginny had decided that, with only five minutes left in the period, she didn't really need to continue the thirteenth item on the list anymore. Which was why, when Snape turned around to erase the instructions from the board, she was surprised to hear someone on the other side of the room giggling.

**

* * *

DAY THIRTEEN**  
14. Speak using sign language or a small white board with a squeaky Expo marker.

I'm so glad Potions is my last class of the day, Ginny thought angrily as she gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole. And I'm even more glad everyone is at dinner! she continued as she entered the Common Room to see that it was totally empty. She tossed the white board and expo marker, which had been extremely hard to get a hold of thankyouverymuch, on the floor and threw herself into the chair by the fire, contemplating expanding the list until Snape was driven insane. She smiled to herself as she imagined that git in a straight jacket in a padded room somewhere. Then squirrels could throw pinecones and stuff at him.

"Bad day?" someone asked. Ginny shot up in her chair. She'd thought she was alone. She turned around to see Harry standing next to her chair, holding something green and limp in one hand and his wand in the other. He looked as tired as she felt.

"The worst," she said, turning back towards the fire. Harry took a seat in the chair next to hers.

"What happened? Did Snape give you detention for ever?"

"No, he didn't do anything, he just sat there and graded papers while we did our assignments. I couldn't do anything to him that he would notice."

Harry didn't say anything, but picked up the expo marker and white board and wrote something. Ginny couldn't help but smile when she saw that he'd drawn an evil caricature of Snape, a smiley face, and written, "Don't worry, tomorrow is another day."

* * *

**DAY FOURTEEN**  
15. At a Quidditch match sit behind him and say deragatory things about Slytherin. If he turns around to lecture you, pretend to be sleeping. 

Friday had been uneventful, seemingly much to Snape's relief. Ginny had watched him for most of the class period, and it hadn't escaped her notice that he had, between then and the day before, aquired a green and silver stress buddy.

She hadn't seen Harry since the night before, but the Quidditch match that day was between Gryffindor and Slytherin, so mixed in with her excitment about the match and about item #15, was a sort of dread that Snape would try something. She tried to shake it off as she, Mandy and Rose, Ron, and Hermione approached the stadium. It was easy to forget, she discovered, as soon as Hermione pointed out that there were only two seats left behind Snape. Ron, Hermione, and Mandy left to find some other seats, while Rose and Ginny rushed to take the remaining two before someone else did.

Ginny started running her mouth as soon as Madam Hooch started the game. "So anyway, I was talking to Finch the other day and I think I got halitosis just from standing a little too close to him. I mean, it's no wonder he can never get the Snitch, his breath probably drives it away . . ."

Snape turned around to see Ginny Weasely leaning against the side of the stadium, sleeping, and also drooling quite excessively. He turned back around just as Gryffindor scored.

"Yeah, and I'm not surprised that their keeper didn't save that, what has he got, a Nimbus 2001? How last year! All the best players have Firebolts! And how come there are no girls on their team? Are they all homosexualists or something? Do they have massive orgies in the locker room or something? Come on! How anti-feminist!

Snape turned to see the youngest Weasely curled up in the corner of the stadium. Gryffindor scored again soon after he resumed watching.

"You see? This game is in the bag! Slytherin is too busy being evil and smelly to keep their eyes on the ball. And why are the beaters using clubs to hit the bludgers anyway? They could just as easily use their faces . . . WAY TO GO, HARRY!"

Gryffindor had won by 170 points!


	8. The Third Weekend

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. Also I meant no offense to the mentally challenged by Snape using the word 'retarded.' And this story is pretty OOC at times, especially after the events in HBP, so just pretend he would say that. ; )

* * *

** The Third Weekend**

Snape eased himself into a comfy leather rocking chair in the back room of his dungeon office. It had been another long week, courtesy of a certain red-headed fifth year. After resting a few moments in the knowledge that he didn't have to see or hear Ginny Weasely for another two days, he smiled in relief and picked up a rather battered copy of the Great Wizard Meaty-Pants's Toilet Reader.

He had only been reading for a few minutes when Salvadora Swan, a scatterbrained intern in the dungeons, came bustling into the office in a flurry of hot pink robes and yellowing parchmet, exclaiming, "The nerve of that painting! I tell you, who in their right mind would paint a picture of a burlesque You-Know-Who? It was just leering at me and licking its lips!" Snape put his hands over his face in defeat. Even during his time off she would not leave him alone.

"Perhaps if you didn't go gamboling about like a retarded brothel madame in those ghastly robes, you wouldn't gather so much unwanted attention," Snape said, in a pathetic attempt to gather up the shreds of his former imposing ability to come up with quips cruel and aloof enough to silence even the most obnoxious of students. But after two very stressful weeks of steadily losing more and more control of his class, the only reaction it managed to solicit from Salvadora was a blank, confused stare. "You revolting ninny," he added quietly.

Salvadora ignored him and continued to bustle around the dungeon in a manner akin to a flock of bright pink pigeons let loose in a spa. Snape held back the urge to weep like a little girl. I need a vacation, he thought.


	9. Days 15 to 19

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. Also, just pretend that it's possible to summon a Mariachi band into Hogwarts. Just pretend. : ) 

**Days Fifteen to Nineteen**

**

* * *

DAY FIFTEEN**

16. Conveniently forget to put the right ingredients in your potion, so that it makes his room smell like rotten eggs for weeks. Say it was his fault and that they have medicine for that type of thing.

Ginny was unsure of how to mix ingredients the exact wrong way to get a long lasting rotten egg smell, and she spent ages talking with Mandy and Rose trying to decide what was the best way to mess up the potion. They'd asked Hermione, but she'd looked scandalized and had stormed off in a huff to the library.

"Why don't you just drop in a couple of rotten eggs in vinegar or something like that?" Mandy suggested eventually, after a day spent sitting by the window watching Hagrid terrorize a class of third years. They were suppose to be doing an assignment for McGonagall, but found more interest in the matter of ruining Snape's life.

Ginny leaned against the cold glass panes and stared out into the dark night. It was late and they were no further along on the issue than they had been that morning, and she was getting increasingly impatient. "Don't be stupid, Mandy, that won't work."

"Well, fine, if you don't like my ideas then I just won't give them anymore," Mandy said, stung, and crossed her arms. A moment later, she said, "Why don't you just whip up a plate of beans and fart for the entire lesson?"

Rose looked at her incredulously. "That is so childish. And it doesn't have anything to do with ruining a potion."

"I don't see you coming up with anything better!"

It was at that moment that Harry and Ron decided to come back up the common room from Quidditch practice and collapse into chairs by the fireplace. She tried to hear what they were saying, but couldn't quite make it out. It seemed to be along the vein of Slytherins being stupid gits. Leaving her arguing friends at the window, she jumped up and headed over to them and sat near Ron, making sure there was a sweet, angelic expression on her face.

Ron seemed surprised to see her there, but she was sure she saw something flash across Harry's eyes for half a second. She filed that away into the "Get Hermione to Validate" section of her brain, before throwing a retort at her brother after he over reacted to her coming and sitting next to them.

" - I mean, best brother in the whole world," she added quickly, as she saw Ron's ears start to heat up at being called a git. "What I need from you is some advice."

He looked suspicious. "Advice on what, exactly?"

"On how to make Profesor Snape's room smell like rotten eggs."

Harry burst out laughing. Ron glared at him for a second. "It's not funny, you know, this taking after Fred and George thing, Harry," he turned back to Ginny. "Mum's going to send a howler, just you wait."

But Ginny didn't listen, as Harry turned to her and said, "Just replace your regular ingredients with milk and eggs and things like that and put it over the fire."

And Ginny was happy to report the next night, making sure she had him alone, that it had worked perfectly.

* * *

DAY SIXTEEN  
17. Bring a Mariachi band to class. Say it helps you concentrate. 

Although Ginny and her friends had considered going to the Room of Requirement to find a mariachi band, they instead decided to just summon one from Spain or wherever it was Mariachi bands hailed from. At first they'd thought that their spell had failed, only to hear news of a Mariachi band that was terrorizing Hogsmeade village. With a cry of "Accio Mariachi band!" Mandy sent the sombrero-sporting members of the band sailing through the windows of the Gryffindor Common Room, into the midst of a terrified and confused crowd of second years.

As though it hadn't been heard enough getting the Mariachi band there in the first place, it proved even worse trying to get them all the way down to the dungeons, as they almost had to rope them up and drag them down the many flights of stairs to get them to stop touching things and shouting "Ole!" When they finally managed to drag them through the doors of the dungeon, they took up more room than they'd planned and made it difficult for students to get by.

But ignoring all the difficulties, it was worth seeing the look of absolute shock on Snape's face, and for about five minutes half of the class enjoyed themselves thoroughly while Snape tried to make themselves heard over a resounding chorus of "Mi amor esta una puta" until he lost control and vanquished the band in a puff of green smoke. Sombreros and mandolins went flying, and one hit a Slytherin in the face, silencing his hysterical laughter.

Ginny looked at Snape incredulously, almost frightened for a moment, until she saw that one of the sombreros that had gone flying had landed lopsided on Snape's greasy head.

* * *

DAY SEVENTEEN18. Leave presents at his place at dinner. Leave a note saying it's from his secret admirer. 

The hardest part of the next item was deciding what to give Snape at dinner. After much though, Ginny decided that it had to be something of Harry's, and although Rose and Mandy agreed that it should be a picture of him, Ginny adamently refused and stalked off to the sixth year boy's dorm and managed to find a pair of his underwear, before running out screaming at the realization that Neville was in the room with her. When she got back to where Mandy and Rose were sitting, they wrapped it up in brown paper and wrote on it in red ink, "To Severus, From Your Secret Admirer."

At dinner, Snape was late, so it was easy to place the package at his place. Not twenty minutes later, after anxiously waiting, she saw him slouching into the Great Hall, wearing a sour expression on his face and walking very slowly. Ginny hid her face, laughing, and nudged Ron, who was sitting next to her. The next time she looked up, when Mandy reached across the table to hit her and tell her that Snape was opening the package, the first thing she saw was a pair of underwear fly across the room and explode in midair.

DAY EIGHTEEN 19. Fall asleep in class.

Ginny found it extremely difficult indeed to fall asleep in class while giggling like a maniac and listening to the horrible screeching sounds that Snape had playing on a modified gramophone to calm himself down, so she had Mandy bewitch her to fall asleep. She fell into such a deep sleep, that when she woke up there was nobody left in the dungeon. Panicking for a moment, she leapt out of her chair and pulled at the door only to discover that she was locked in. Looking round for her wand, she couldn't find it and realized that Mandy or Rose must have taken it. Her day immediately ruined, she slumped against the door and decided to wait. She didn't know when the next potions lesson was, so she didn't know how much longer she had to wait, although she had a suspicion that she wouldn't be in time for her next lesson. I guess I can look forward to another detention this weekend, she thought bitterly, and kicked a nearby chair.

She was only sitting there for a few minutes when the door opened, hitting her in the back. She immediately jumped up and prepared to fling a bat bogey hex at whoever was behind the door, but stopped herself just in time when she saw who it was.

"Harry!" she yelled, and before she could stop herself she hugged him so hard he started choking. Ignoring that she had probably breached some kind of privacy barrier, she headed out the door, explaining that she had been in there for ages and couldn't get out and was mighty appreciative of the fact that he'd come down to get her, only to see that the entire sixth year Potions class was behind him in the corridor.

* * *

DAY NINETEEN20. If you see him in the hall, shriek and say to stop stalking you, you're jailbait! 

The next day Ginny was still burning with embarrassment, ignoring Mandy and Rose when they laughingly asked her what happened. As soon as she got her wand back from them, she found no need to talk to them for a while, and instead went stalking through the corridors until she saw Ron, Hermione, and Harry coming the opposite way. Although she momentarily felt like turning and running, she steeled herself and greeted them, then turned and began walking with them to the library.

"So Ginny, how was your day, yesterday?" Hermione asked, without a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Immediately Ginny inwardly thanked her for not being a prat.

"It was okay. I was locked in the dungeon, as you know," she said, ignoring Ron, who began spluttering.

"Of course that didn't mean you had to go throwing yourself on people, like a tart!"

Ginny bristled. "I am not a tart! Am I, Harry?"

Harry laughed. "Really Ron, it doesn't matter. I didn't really mind," he said, patting Ginny on the shoulder encouragingly.

Before Ginny could get too excited, she saw Snape coming around the corner up ahead. As Ron began protesting, she shrieked, "Stop it, you dirty old man! Stop stalking me! I'm jailbait!"

Then she ran, flailing her arms and wailing, back down the direction she had been going earlier, leaving Ron, Hermione, and Harry to deal with the impending wrath of Snape.


	10. The Fourth Weekend

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. 

A/N: Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews, they certainly helped inspire me for future updates : ) Also, you already know how this story is Harry/Ginny, but there **might** be some Ron/Hermione in the future. Not a whole lot, just a hint of it. Again, I'm a hopeless shipper. ; ) And I didn't mean to do it, but Harry is coming off as less of a prat than he can be in the books; I think someone commented about the story being slightly AU, and they're right, so I'll try to fix it as much as I can without messing up the flow of the story.

* * *

**The Fourth Weekend**

Dear Fred and George,

Ginny has gone absolutely insane, and I think it's your fault. She and her dumb friends made this list of forty ways to annoy Snape and she's been doing them for the past month. Hermione agrees with me that she should stop, but Harry's no help, he thinks it's all hilarious.

Point being, you two, this has got to be out of your influence. Please talk to her for me before mum sends a howler.

-- Ron

Gred and Forge stared at each other for a moment, incredulous. They were in the back room of the joke shop, organizing the day's profits and writing up plans for new products, when Pig had flown through the high window in the back and wrecked havoc among the store. As Fred declared when it happened, loudly and with many curses, it was a good thing they hadn't had any shoppers in the store as they had closed an hour ago, or they probably would have lost many loyal customers.

"So . . . Fred, " George began, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"It appears that baby Ginny is following in our footsteps."

"And dear brother Ron doesn't like it."

The twins exchange wise looks. "We should help."

George began writing a response letter to Ron.

Dear Ronniekins,

Yes, mummy.

-- Gred and Forge

* * *

"Can you believe her? I mean can you honestly believe her?" 

"I'm sure she'll grow out of it Ron, don't worry," Hermione said, pulling a large Ancient Runes text out of her bag. She pushed away her dinner plate and opened the book in front of her.

Ginny had just walked past them, seemingly completely oblivious to everything around her. As Harry watched her go, there was an odd feeling in his chest, and his eyes didn't leave her until she went through the door at the end of the Great Hall. It wasn't the first time he'd felt it, and before now he'd tried to chalk it up to brotherly love as he had been spending so much time with her at the burrow, but now he wasn't so sure. The feeling he'd had earlier in the year when he found out she'd broken up with Dean Thomas had not left him for weeks, and lately she was all he could think about. If Ron knew some of the things he thought about . . . he cast a furtive glance at Ron, but his worries were interrupted by a small, hyperactive owl landing with a squawk in front of them on the table.

"It's too late for this!" Hermione groaned as Pigwidgeon spilled a glass of pimpkin juice on her book. She repaired the damage with a simple spell, but got up and announced she was going to the library all the the same.

"It's for Ginny, " Ron said, looking over the envelope. "From Fred and George. Good. I wrote to them before about her - "

"I'll bring it up to her, Ron, I've finished eating," Harry said, hoping he didn't sound to eager.

Ron nodded, "Yeah . . . that's a good idea, actually, thanks Harry. I don't want to see her right now, anyway."

Harry took the letter and started on his way to Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

It's half over! Ginny thought in relief, coming up to the Common Room after dinner. She'd completed half the list, with only half left to go. Of course, she realized when she checked the list, item 21 would probably be the hardest, but that was okay. Only one more month left, then they would have Christmas vacation and she would be completely done. 

In spite of herself, she began doing a dance of joy when she realized that the Common Room was empty. She danced around in circles around chairs, tables, and books that were strewn on the floor for quite a long time actually before finally throwing herself down into a chair near the fire place. She drew up her knees and was quite restive indeed when the portrait hole opened and Harry came in.

Oh, my God! she thought, and tried to not be seen for a few moments, but then stopped. That was what the old, childish Ginny would have done. This Ginny would wait calmly until Harry went away.

But Harry did not go away. Instead, he came and sat in the seat across from her, grinning broadly. "Comfortable?" He asked.

"Very," Ginny managed. She was lodged firmly into the chair, with her head by her knees and her arms trapped between the two. She was slowly losing her balance. Hoping she wouldn't fall, Ginny tried to right herself as much as she could, but soon discovered that she couldn't move.

"A letter came for you," Harry said, holding out an envelope. Ginny tried to free an arm to grab it. "From Fred and - " he was interrupted by a squeak and a few curses as Ginny tumbled off the chair and landed in a heap in front of him. He stood and pulled her to his feet.

"That was brilliant," he said, "You're brilliant." Then he kissed her.


	11. Days 20 to 24

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies. 

A/N: I'm still on a roll! Yay! Again, thanks for all your reviews, I really appreciate them. And if anyone has any suggestions, just let me know. Also, Ginny's alegory about the bank teller and everything is inspired by the movie Anger Management. And don't worry about the last day of the chapter - for future refernce, if the outcome of an item isn't written in the day it's meant to, it will be recapped in the next chapter so don't worry about it. And I'm really sorry to tell you, but this is the last completed chapter I have at this point that was left over from the first time this was posted. No more daily updates. : (

Randomness: I had a dream that I made out with Brandon Flowers in Dracula's castle last night.

* * *

**Days Twenty to Twenty-Four**

**DAY TWENTY**  
21. Confess your undying love for him.

For the next day or so Ginny was drifting about with a deranged grin on her face, not letting anything bother her. Not even the fact that the next item would probably be the hardest, or that any situation with Harry was proving very akward. She hadn't told anyone about what had happened in the Common Room that night, not even Mandy and Rose, and she was sure that Harry had not told anyone either. It didn't bother her, though. Nothing did.

Her euphoria was so great that she forgot to open the letter that Harry had come up to give her until the next day. She'd had it clutched in her hand all night, and the next morning Rose had snatched it from her and said, "Oh my God, Ginny, are you in trouble? Maybe you should stop doing all this."

She snapped out of it long enough for the form of a rectangular, white object to come in to view. She pulled herself into a sitting position, red hair threatening to engulf her like a bad sci-fi movie (Attack of the Sixty-Foot Bed Head), eyes still groggy from sleep. She grabbed the letter from Rose just as rudely as it had been grabbed from her, and offered a greeting of "Fuh."

The letter was wrinkled and slightly damp in one corner from her night-long grip on it. It was fraying at the edges and bent in several places due to her rolling around on the bed all night in random fits of schoolgirlish giddiness. Breathing a sight of relief when she saw that it was addressed from 'Gred and Forge, Esq.' she ripped open the top of it and pulled out the parchment inside.

Dear Ginny-minnie-kinnsy,

We would like to declare our intentions of making you poster-girl of our shop. From now on when people enter our shop, dazzled by the pretty colors around them, eyes shining with obvious awe and admiration of our awesome creativity and overall amazingness, and they ask us - Gred and Forge, why are you so bloody handsome and ingenious? How can I surmount to such august status as you two?

And we will reply, You bloody well can't! You may serve our younger, wonderful, beautiful sister tea and crumpets at her every behest because she is far better than you will ever be. Please buy our products and get out.

- Gred and Forge

PS - We'll be sending you along something in the mail to help with your quest. Send us a copy of your list so that we can work something out.

The letter made Ginny feel a warm glow of pride on top of everything else. She felt so wonderful and content at that moment, she was sure that she would be able to complete #21, get Harry to marry her (whether it took illicit substances, forceful coersion, or what have you), and still manage to indulge in pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. She sent a letter back to her brothers gushing with overly purple, ridiculous prose expressing her deep gratitude and affinity for orange socks and enclosing a copy of the list inside. She truly felt like a Weasely.

Which is why, when she finally went to Potions that day, she felt twice as ashamed at her failure to bring herself to declare her love to the most foul-tempered, slime-faced git in all of British history.

**DAY TWENTY-ONE**  
22. Wink knowingly at him if someone screws up in class.

"It's not that bad. Really, Gin, it's not."

Rose and Mandy had been puppy dogging Ginny since Potions ended the next day. During the latest class, Eladora Montgomery accidentally added two much of one particular ingredient to her potion, sending sparks shooting up, some of them going as high as the ceiling, leaving dark, sooty stains on the ceiling above her head. Ginny had winked, only realizing then how hard it was to do so. She didn't so much wink as she made a constipated face, grimacing and squeezing one eye shut so hard tears were beginning to come out before she finally stopped and grinned insanely at Snape.

Snapes response had convinced Ginny that no one ever hugged Snape when he was little. "May I suggest Miss Weasely, that you not spend so much time with our resident celebrity? A bit of his ego seems to have rubbed off on you. It's time you both learned that you are equal to the rest of us. Detention on Friday at 9:12 sharp."

Ginny suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway, almost causing a collision that would have engaged most of the students in the hallway - no doubt causing a pile-up rivaling any smash up derby. She looked Mandy squarely in the eye, placed her hands on her shoulders and said,

"My dear, simple friend - some people in this life are bank-tellers, day after day working in claustrophobic conditions and dealing with people whose very existence contradicts the entire idea of natural selection. Others are those people, beligerent antogonists of everyone around them as they huff and puff and slobber all over common decency. Then others hide under counters when the bank tellers finally snap and slaughter everyone."

"Okay, Gin. I don't get it. Snape's the bank teller, so what does that make you? The slobbering, dribbling fool?"

"No, my dear stupid one, I am the one that goes in and finally causes the teller to lose control, and then goes outside and has a fag while everyone else is left to have punishment rained down upon their heads."

**DAY TWENTY-TWO**  
23. Ask him if Draco is good in bed.

Rose and Mandy were still miffed at Ginny when they took their seats in Potions the next day. Mandy didn't say anything to her at all while Rose continuously asked her to explain the analogy because she didn't get it. Ginny felt as though her role was going to switch from antagonist to bank teller shortly if she couldn't first slobber all over Snape, and felt a twinge of the initial excitement she'd felt over the project return.

Snape tapped the board, the instructions for the day flowing outward from the center. The writing was miniscule, messy, and covered almost every square inch of the board. As though the class was at a football game, everyone seemed to rise from their seats at once in a wave motion to try and decipher the illegibal writing that had appeared on the board.

Ginny's hand was up immediately. Snape did not call on her, instead acknowledging the question of a Slytherin student on the other side of the room. Not to be discouraged, Ginny cut in instead.

"Professor I can't read the board."

"I did not give you permission to speak, Miss Weasely. Do be quiet or it's twenty points from Gryffindor."

"But I can't read it."

"I didn't ask you. Nor did I give any indication that I care in the least. Be silent."

"But Professor it's like trying to find the Virgin Mary on your toast in the morning!"

"I did not ask you! I didn't give you permission to say anything or to ask a question! Be quiet or it's fifty points from your House."

"But I didn't ask a question."

"Consider fifty points gone."

"But as long as we're on the subject, I do have a question. Is Draco good in bed?"

The room was absolutely silent. Snape seemed frozen in place at the front of the classroom, and Ginny suddenly felt the eyes of everyone in the room on her. She ignored them, staring directly at Snape, noticing that his hand seemed to be itching for his wand.

"No? Alright, what about Lucious? Just for curiosity's sake, you know."

"Miss Weasely, if I didn't find a long, leisurely walk through the Forbidden Forest to be a preferable option than being subject to your company, you would have detention every night of the week until your graduation. As it is, you already have a detention with me, but I don't think I can bear to go through with it. Consider it cancelled. Tonight's homework is a roll of parchment explaining the different mushrooms found in a boreal climate zone. Miss Weasely, for you it's five."

Snape disappeared into the backroom, locking the door behind him. Although he had placed a charm on the door, the class could still hear his screams and curses and the sound of him effectively destroying his office. Ginny was suddenly deafened by the laughter of the students around her.

**DAY TWENTY-THREE**  
24. Talk like an old Hollywood actress. Say 'Ciao' and 'darling' a lot.

By that evening Rose and Mandy seemed to have forgetten that they were ever mad at Ginny in the first place, and Ginny didn't think it prudent to remind them, but that still didn't solve the matter of the five pages of homework she still had to do for Snape.

"Lousy git," Ginny muttered, holding her quill in position above a sheet of parchment but not writing anything. "I wish we had some laxatives or something. Hermione, will you help me with this?"

Hermione only looked at her. "Ginny, do you really think there aren't going to be any consequences for this? You asked him if one of his students is good in bed - I'm not even sure if that's legal. What if it gets back to Malfoy? What if it gets back to Lucius Malfoy?"

She felt as though her stomach had suddenly opened up into a bottomless pit. "Oh," she said. She was starting to feel shivers starting from her spine and going through her whole body and her vision was starting to unfocus. She had honestly not considered consequences of that levity when she, Rose, and Mandy had written out the list. The only thing she could think of to say was, "Thanks a lot, Mandy, that one was your idea. You sick, perverted swot."

Mandy looked up from the essay she was busy writing. "Ginny, please. Do you want me to do your homework or not?"

Ginny quickly shut up. She leaned back into her chair, wishing that it would come alive and eat her, but she had no such luck. What happened instead was that a large, red orb that bore a passing resemblance to her brother loomed over her, shouting and spitting and cursing. For a moment she wondered if her mother had indeed sent a Howler, whereupon Ron had taken and shoved it up his -

"Oh, hello, Harry," Ginny quickly said, sliding out of the chair, trying to avoid Ron's hands that, like claws, were scraping at the air as he violently articulated his ranting. She was sure for a moment that her face was turning as red as Ron's; she noticed that people around the common room were beginning to stare. "Did you want something?"

Harry looked from her to Ron, who was being restrained by Hermione and who now looked as though he was about to explode any minute, obviously trying to refrain from saying something. His efforts resulted in an odd whistling noise. Rose leaned over to Mandy and whispered in her ear. Immediately, Mandy yelled, "Tea time!" and then the eruption began! Ginny and Harry almost ran out of the common room, slowing down once they were safely out of the portrait hole, but not talking until they could no longer hear Ron's screams.

"So, Harry," Ginny started, "what did you want to talk about?"

The situation suddenly seemed to get very awkward very fast, and Harry didn't seem to want to look at her. "Well, it's just that I've been thinking about what happened on Sunday and I don't - well, I wasn't sure if - I don't know. Forget I said anything, I don't know what I was thinking." He made to stand up, but Ginny grabbed his hand.

"What were you trying to say? Harry really, you can tell me," Ginny said, starting to feel very nervous. He didn't say anything, so she added, "I didn't mind when you kissed me, Harry, really. I actually quite liked it," she said, smiling shyly.

That seemed to cheer Harry up. "What if it happened again?"

"As long as Ron doesn't find out . . ."

**DAY TWENTY-FOUR**  
25. Paint your nails in class.

The last item hadn't gone exactly according to plan, but it had pissed off Snape a great deal and that was the point, now, wasn't it? Ginny had handed in her homework, grinning from ear to ear, while Snape scowled at her, squeezing his stress buddy. "Take off the sunglasses and boa NOW, Miss Weasely." He wanted to add, "Before I choke you with it."

The rest of the class had been filled with the sounds of Ginny shrieking at Snape, sometimes standing up to try to get his attention. "Ciao, darling! I just LOVE what you've done with this dungeon, it almost reminds me of something my ancestors would be buried in! Except they would have had Gucci or Prada furnish it, you know, not this depressing old smelly dirt you've got here . . . Professor, pay attention to me! Ciao! Over here, professor! You're upsetting my doggy. See? He's upset." She brandished a limp, stuffed dog at him, yelping when it suddenly disappeared.

The next day, they'd been at a loss when they realized they had no nail varnish and had no means by which to get some. They improvized with a marker, and before long everybody sitting near them had gotten high to some extent. Ginny, nearest the fumes from the marker, had started giggling after finishing her left hand and started drawing smiley faces and stars on the table.

After giving instructions for the day, Snape stood facing the corner and didn't move. Ginny got up and drew a smiley face on the board.


	12. The Fifth Weekend

Disclaimer - I don't own any part of the Harry Potter series, much to the dismay of Mr. Chudley (Who not only acts as my muse, but also feeds me crackers! I love Mr. Chudley). Mandy and Rose technically aren't mine, either, I looked through the books and found two names to use. And for those of you who are wondering, there will be some Draco stuff coming up. Um . . . yeah, that's it.

* * *

The Fifth Weekend 

If one were to ask Ron at any time at all sometime after the sixth or seventh item of the list had been completed how he was feeling, he might have punched you, and that was only if you were lucky enough to catch him on a good day. Harry and Hermione were the only people who get close enough to speak to him, let alone try to reason with him. Even so, Harry had been quite afraid of Ron for the last week, something that hadn't escaped the near catatonic Weasley's notice.

On Saturday, Harry was sitting in the Common Room with Hermione working on Transfiguration homework (An essay describing exactly why a certain spell, when not performed correctly, could have very unpleasant consequences and why they should avoid this). Harry had been trying to decide for the last half an hour or so the best way to turn the sentence "Because having a head of cabbage soliciting you for sex is unseemly" into a page-long essay when his best friend walked over and sat down in the armchair next to him.

"See, look, Harry, this is me being calm," Ron said. Harry looked up and saw Ron sitting very rigidly in his chair, staring straight ahead. "I'm very calm, aren't I?"

"Yes, Ron, you are," Harry said, not wanting to say anything accidentally that might trigger an explosion. He suddenly wanted very much to move a book or something else big and heavy in front of his private region, and he tried to indiscreetly move his book over to protect himself. Hermione gave him a Look.

Ron sighed heavily, obviously trying very hard to really calm down, when suddenly he seemed to just deflate. "I don't get it, you know? I just don't understand. She's my baby sister . . . I mean, I'm not always nice to her, and you know, but I do care about her. I try to protect her and be there for her, and now she's going and getting herself into trouble. Not the kind of trouble that her bastard ex-boyfriend would cause, I mean - " Harry paled at this " - but the kind that could get her kicked out of school. I mean . . . I don't know. Hermione, do you think you could talk to her for me?"

Hermione nodded, and her sympathy was obvious in her face, when she turned back to Harry and gave him that Look again, the Look that said, "I know you want to get randy with Ginny but if you do, so help me Merlin I will hex you because Ron does NOT need that on top of everything else right now. Do not talk to her until I can get a chance to or I will castrate you."

* * *

At the Burrow, the Weasely matron was in the kitchen, sorting out the vegetables that were still left from the summer garden, trying to divide those that were still good and those that, despite the spells placed on them, had gone bad, when a large barn owl flew into the window and fell backwards onto the dead grass outside. 

"Silly thing," she chided absentmindedly, stepping outside to retrieve the bird. She dusted off the dirt and snow that had gathered on it, and it ruffled its feathers indignantly. She brought the owl inside the house, taking the letter it had brought. Before turning her attention back to the vegetables that still needed sorting, she opened the letter.

Dear mum,

Ginny is an angel.

-- Your loving sons, Fred and George

* * *

Hermione didn't find a chance to talk to Ginny until later that evening, when she found her in the library sleeping over a pile of books. For a moment, she hadn't wanted to disturb her, but then she decided that if she didn't get it out of the way now then by the time they later tried to settle the dust that the youngest Weasely was kicking up then they could find themselves facing a hopeless battle. She shook her gently on the shoulder, and Ginny suddenly snapped to attention. 

"Chubby bunnies!" Ginny yelled out. "Fifty-eight of them," she added, then she looked and saw Hermione and calmed down a bit.

The older girl smiled warmly. "Hullo, Gin," she said, sitting down at the table across from her, "how have you been?"

"Don't mind my rudeness, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but cut the crap, Hermione."

Hermione nodded; she hadn't expected anything less. She sighed, looking down at her hands that were resting palm down on the table, and began, "Ron is going mad, you know." When Ginny nodded, she added, "and frankly, I'm not too happy about this either."

The redhead shrugged and leaned back. "It's funny?" she offered. Upon reflection, she found that she herself wasn't too happy about it anymore. It has lost its appeal back around the second week or so.

"But Ginny, why are you doing this, anyway? Was it a bet or something? Seriously, why?"

Ginny began to reply but stopped. She hadn't really thought about it, but she didn't actually have a good reason to keep going. She and Mandy and Rose had made the list to get a laugh while simultaneously getting back at their most loathed teacher, but now that it wasn't as fun anymore, what was holding her to it? Why shouldn't she just stop? "Well, honestly Herm, I don't know. Maybe I take after Fred and George just a bit more than you all realized?"

"Do you plan on finishing the list?"

"Yes."

Hermione placed her hands on her lap underneath the table. "I'm not going to force you to stop, but I strongly advise against it. Who knows the kind of trouble you might find yourself in next week, or the week after?" Ginny shrugged, and her friend continued, "Now, I told Ron I'd talk to you about this, and I have. But what I'm interested in is what's going on with you and Harry."

The younger girl looked up at her, then quickly looked away. She was sure her face was burning when the memory of their last encounter, behind the statue of Vincent the Vile, resurfaced. She and Harry had agreed to keep it quiet for as long as it took for this whole "Bothering Snape" thing had blown over, and while they hadn't made any very distinct developments in their relationship, Ron was not likely to appreciate the intimate situations they'd gotten themselves in.

"Are you two together now? I mean, come on, Ginny, it's not that hard to figure out even if you both didn't disappear and reappear at the same time so often. The only reason Ron can't tell, and I'm sure you know this, Gin, is because of his 'condition.' Has he, I mean Harry, asked you out?"

Ginny shook her head. "We want to go slow."

Hermione scoffed. "Pretty slow, I can tell. Don't tell me, Ginny. Friends with benefits?"

If she hadn't known that Hermione wouldn't come to such a rash conlucion for no other reason than just to corner her into a confession, Ginny might have gotten mad. As it was, she was, to a small degree, insulted and slightly hurt. "Don't say it like that, Herm."

Her older friend's expression softened, but she didn't give in too easily. "Just don't do anything stupid. I don't want either of you to be hurt."

* * *

Severus Snape existed in a stage of advanced misanthropy, and among the things he hated most were happy children, sunshine, Ginny Weasely, and cliches. Despite the bile and the violent tendencies that arose in him at the hint of any of these things, namely the cliches, he would be the first to admit that he was in a bit of a pickle. 

What he had said to the insolent girl was true; he had no desire to be in her company any longer than was necessary. If he never saw her again, he would have absolutely no compunctions or regrets about it, and indeed no interest in what had happened, only a deep, respounding joy that she would be forever out of his hair (However dank and moldy a place that might be). He had assigned her mounds of excess homework, had been stricter and harsher on her than even Harry Potter, and still she would not let up. Every day seemed to bring new torments and he was beginning to have doubts that, if it kept up much longer, his sanity would be intact by the end of the year.

He was just about to get out his stress buddy and his toilet reader when the door to his office was slammed open and a very angry, very blonde Lucius Malfoy stormed into the room. Snape had to try very hard not to stand up and use brute force to get the man out, but he didn't want anymore trouble than was necessary. He didn't want to deal with anything more than he already had to.

"Severus! Severus, what is this I hear about that mudblood fouling our family name with talk of - shall I say, SORDID affairs? Affairs that have never taken place?" Before Snape could reply, Lucius continued, "I won't stand for it! I will not stand for any besmudging of my ancestry! To even suggest that I or my son would DO something like that . .. it's preposterous! Unthinkable!"

Snape sat calmly in his chair, stress buddy in one hand and toilet reader in the other, and waited through the hailstorm of spit and curses, wanting nothing more than to dig a hole and sit in there with the stress buddy (Which he had named Rae Dawn Chong), his toilet reader, and a frying pan to fend off anyone that dared to bother him.

"Well, Severus? What should we do about it? We can't let this go on. We - I - can't let this continue on."

Snape looked Lucius straight in the eye and said, "Ginny Weasely never said anything of the sort."

Lucius looked dumbfounded, his face blotchy and red and his hair messed up. He stood up straight, trying to regain his composure, and narrowed his eyes disbelievingly. "What?"

"I told you. Miss Weasely has been engaging in childish play for the last few weeks, but it's nothing I cannot deal with on my own, and she never said anything of the sort. Now, do be kind and get out of my office before I am forced to throw a frying pan at you."


End file.
